Another manic Monday

My dearest TAG, my love,

Here it is, Monday again, and what a freaking crazy Monday it was! I started out the day by ostensibly flunking a stats test. What a doozy of a test that was. I didn't even know what to think of it when I was done. I may not have flunked it, I may have pulled a C out, but I have no idea how that even happened.

I also almost completely forgot that I had a presentation to do in my other class today. I remembered late last night, and thank goodness that I had done some research and plotted out an outline last week, or I may have been entirely lost! Luckily I was able to pull something amazing and awesome together, as I usually do. You know me, I always work best when my back is up against the wall.

So, Brownie (the Cleveland Browns bear that you gave me for Christmas) has become my constant travel companion and my confidante. I talk to him all the time, give him my little speeches on what I should do, tell him that I love his mama, hug him, kiss him. Basically he's taking your place until you can take your place back. He's the only one who ever will. There will never be another that could take your place. I am reserving a spot just for you. You know where it is. It's your very favorite spot. It is all yours, my love, my dearest TAG. There will never be another that fits there like you do. I sleep with my other teddy tucked into that spot, but even that is not as fulfilling as having you.

You know that you will always have my heart, and that you are my world. Never doubt that. We can make it together in this big bad world. Let me be there for you. Let me be the one that hurries home to you, that kisses you goodnight, that tells you how wonderful you look in the morning and can't wait to see you. Let me be the one to surprise you on your lunch hour, to bring you flowers and cake. Let me be the one that you share your memories with. I know that together we can do anything, that the world will be ours. Together we are strong. Cast away doubt and fear and anger and hurt. I will bear your burdens, and you can bear mine.

I want to communicate openly and freely with you, and be the best man I know how to be. My one greatest regret is that you never got to see the real me, the man I know I can be. That man is yours. You have him. Now come and claim him. Take him back, let him show you how amazing true love is and will be. Be the woman that he deserves, the woman he sees you are. You are amazing and loving and good and kind and fun and wild and reckless and I love everything about you. You not only fit in my life but you are my life.

Today I heard the song that reminds me about you the most. You know the one that goes "she likes to shake her ass, she grinds it to the beat". I love that song. It always makes me smile. Today the memories of you all made me smile, and shake my head a little bit. I can't believe how much I miss you, but I love it all the same.

Let us both get passed the pain. Let us both heal. We can do this best together. I know that I can help build you up, that your heart is still there, and that together we can heal and grow in love and devotion. I know that together we are strong. There will never be a better and more true couple in the history of the universe than we are and will be. Our love will be a beacon to those around us. Our family will stand in awe of the power of our love. Nothing will ever come between us ever again, because we will face all obstacles head on, together, forever.

I love you so much, my TAG. I know that together we can do this. Let us take these steps together, nothing failing, nothing flinching. Let us not listen to the world nor to what those naysayers in the world will say. Let us believe in the power of our love, because our love is stronger indeed than anything any of the haters may throw at us.

I love you and miss you. I am yours forever. Come back to me, please, and let us start anew. I know we can do it together, me and you. We are powerful together, we are great together, let us be so again. You and I together can make this life what we want, what we deserve.

I love you forever and always,
B