Obsessed?

My dearest TAG, my love,

Someone that I am very close to told me today that my posts make me sound very obsessed and a little deranged. Well, I don't know about all that, but let me address these issues.

Am I obsessed with my TAG? I like to think that I am very much in love with her, hurting a little from her absence, and hurting even more because of the pain and suffering that I have caused her. My purpose in writing is solely to impress upon the minds of those who are reading that I do love her so very much, and that if given another chance I will take care of her and love her as she deserves to be loved.

Granted, I did go off the deep end there at the beginning, doing things that would not be credited to one with a sound mind. Did I really call her new boyfriend? Yup. I did that. I definitely did not have a sound mind on that one. But, I was grasping at straws, and didn't know what else to do. I guess I kind of wished that he would realize how much she means to me and would then give her leave to return to me. I know, I'm naive to think that any man, once he got to know my TAG, would not want her in his life. I know that when and if I ever get her back, I will never let her go for anyone else. I believe that I love her more than anyone could ever love her, and that she will not be happy unless she returns to me, that she might pretend to be, but deep in her heart she knows that we belong together.

So, no more obsessive posts. This started out as a way to tell my TAG about my day, and thoughts I had, basically the things I would say or text her if I had that opportunity. So I will continue on in this vein. I will no longer be melancholy or depressed, unless that is the main theme of the day.

Does this mean that the pain is gone? That I am on the healing path? Partially. I think the pain will stay with me for a long, long time, and that I will always remember how I feel with her gone. But every day is another opportunity to learn how to deal with it.

As far as dealing with it goes, I remember from Basic Training that it is important to use physical exercise as a deterrent to the emotional pain you may be suffering. So, I started back to training, lifting weights, plyometrics, running. I forgot how cleansing running can be. I do my best thinking then, and get a lot of things out of my system that might otherwise poison me. And the weight lifting and plyometrics and running, combined with the loss of appetite due to the emotional trauma and the fact that I didn't eat for several days have helped to start my body on the return to being, as one of my Army pals put it, "The Scariest Man on Earth." He said that because I'm a big guy to begin with, and as he said, "Usually we can outrun the big guys. We can't outrun you." I will get back to that point, then return to my TAG as tough and buff as I've ever been. Then when we go out, it will no longer be Beauty and the Beast, as I often thought of us when we went out together, but Beauty and the Hunk.

I love you, my TAG. I always will. I will always be here for you, regardless of the circumstances. There will never be a day go by that I don't think of you or yearn to be in your arms. The thought of your very presence fills my soul with joy. I know that we will be together, and will wait as long as necessary for that to happen. When the pain fades away, it will be replaced by the love that I send out through the space and miles between us.

I love you always,
B