Alone

My dearest TAG,

Saturday night and I am alone. Normally a night we would spend together, going to the movies, dancing downtown, maybe just spending the evening in each other's arms, just enjoying the others company. Instead, I chased you away, in your words, "put you out on the street with the garbage." I disagree, however. I never treated you like garbage. I didn't treat you the way you deserve to be treated, but I never treated you like garbage.

I'm so sorry for how badly I hurt you, my love. I didn't know. If you had talked to me about it, bluntly and forcefully, told me how much you love me and how you wanted to be with me, I like to think that I would have listened and come to my senses. However, that is all merely speculation, and I'm not sure if it's true or not. I hope so.

Hope is an interesting thing. It's pretty much all I have to hold on to now. I hope that you realize how much you mean to me, and I hope that you realize how much I love you. I hope that things with you and the new boyfriend don't work out. Not that I want you hurt anymore, but I think that you know as well as I do what a special thing we have with each other, and you are trying to run from it by hiding in the arms of another man. That will never work in the end. I just hope you don't end up getting more hurt.

I do love you so very much. I miss all the little things. The looks, the touches, the kisses, the hugs. I shave my head, and wish that you would come do that special thing you do when I shave my head. You know what I'm talking about. I loved that so much, and I hope that I get an opportunity to have that happen again. Holy cow, I hurt so much and love you so much and there's this gigantic hole where my heart used to be. You have my heart. I know I've told you that before, but you do. No one else will ever get it, because you have it. For the rest of forever, it is yours.

Well my love, I guess this has been another blubbery horrible post. I can't help it, this is how I feel. If I can't be honest here, then where can I be? I love you, will do anything for you. Come back whenever you feel ready. I will be here, waiting with open arms, no questions asked.

You have my love forever. Never doubt that. I know you love me too. That love is strong enough to overcome any obstacles that may arise. Trust in it, my love.

I love you forever, my TAG. I miss you more than words can adequately express. I wish I could take back the words and the deeds that hurt you, and I wish that I had been two days earlier. Or two months. Or a year. I'm the stupidest, most ridiculous man that has ever lived on this earth, because I let the best thing that ever came into my life go away, almost without a fight. But I refuse to believe that the fight is over, and that I have lost. I know my love will reach through the time and space between us. You are always with me. Thank you for your love. I lean on it every day.

All my love, forever and ever,
B