Thursday

Dear TAG,

Here it is Thursday, it's 5:30 a.m., and this is the first night that I actually slept longer than 3 hours in a row since Friday night. I also ate a real meal last night for the first time since Saturday afternoon. It seems like I'm coping a little bit better for the time being. I still have instances, little things will happen, and the whole world comes crashing down on me again. For example, the other morning I was thinking about the day after Christmas for some reason, how we cuddled up on the couch all day long, just me and you, and shut the world out for a while. What a wonderful day that was. I wish I could have some more days like that. I miss you so much, the touch of your hand, the way you would look into my eyes, your beautiful blue eyes penetrating my soul. Whether you want to believe it now or not, you could always touch my soul. Being with you helped me realize I do have a soul, that I wasn't just another lost person.

Please come back to me, so that we can start on lots of other memories. I know it won't be anytime soon, the pain is still to easy to see through the messages you leave me on facebook. I know I hurt you over over, but the hurting is over. I only want us to be happy. I guess that if you think you're better off with this new guy that I should just back off. But I want you to know that I will always be here for you. Should anything ever happen, you can call, I will come running. I will drop everything in an instant and come to be by your side. I will take you in, protect you, shelter you, and above all, love you. I think that in spite of the things that I did, we can overcome them together. Together we can do anything.

I have changed, my TAG. I am not the same person. This experience has torn me down to my foundation, and I am now building anew. I want you to be the foreman for this project. I want you to be right there with me, helping me change and helping me live life. I want this life for us so bad, and I will never give up. I will NEVER give up. Even if it should take a hundred years, I will show you how much you mean to me, because you mean more than the world to me.

Through the heartache that I have experienced, music has been the one thing that I have turned to over and over again to help soothe my savaged soul. Please listen to your music, think of me, and come back to me. I will make you the happiest woman in the world.

Love always and forever
B