So, that's the story of how we met. This is the story of the breakup. I will condense it down to the nuts and bolts, the intricate details aren't necessary. What it comes down to is the fact that I was afraid to fully commit. I had issues with commitment, and instead of facing them head-on, I avoided them. I skirted real relationships and tried not to get involved in them.
So, we had been together on and off about a year and 3 months, and I told her that I wasn't sure I wanted to be with her anymore. We had gone through this several times before, and each time I had decided that life with her was better than life without her, yet still I was afraid to fully commit. I asked her to give me 3 months to decide what I wanted to do. I knew that I was being very unfair, and that what I was asking was not right to do, but I thought that because she loved me so much, she would do it. She agreed, but very hesitantly, and I knew then this probably wouldn't end good. We continued to see each other, hang out with each other's family, and to do things together. Then one night, we were supposed to get together for pizza and movie night, and my kids decided they would rather stay at home. I asked her if that was okay, and she said that she would rather we come to her house, it being a little larger.
One of the things that led me to ask her for some time was her insistence that we move in together. Even though financially it made sense, and we had a good rapport and were certain to get along well, I was scared. I was scared to make that big a commitment. So I told her no. If I had just moved in with her, and not cared what others would have thought about it, everything would be good now. Instead, I pushed her away.
So after I told her that we wouldn't be coming over for pizza and movie night to her house, because that was what my kids wished, she texted me and asked if we should just remain friends. I told her that I thought that was for the best. I was a little bit angry at her insistence that I and my four kids come over to her house when she only had two kids and they were more easily trasportable. This anger would prove my demise, because I told her that decision with that anger still brimming. We texted back and forth a little bit, and I thought that we were going to be okay.
That whole next week neither one of us texted the other. I thought I was being a gentleman and giving her some room to cool off, after which we would get back together and make up, which had been our routine the last few times this had happend. Oh, how wrong I was to be proven to be. When I got back into town the next Friday, I texted her, trying to make some arrangements for certain things. She never returned a message. I then phoned her, we had a joint telephone account, and her phone went straight to voicemail. She had told me she would get a new phone, I told her she could wait for a month or two, and keep the one she had, I would take care of the bill, no problem. Well, I knew immediately that something was wrong, because she always had her phone on, and it would not go immediately to voice mail if it was off.
So I headed over to her house, and using my key went inside. I noticed immediately that she was in the process of moving out. I put two and two together almost instantaneously, knowing that she was in the middle of removing me out of her life completely. Little did I know how prophetic this feeling would be.
Mind you, this is less than a week after our text conversation. Less than a week. I telephoned her friends, even her 14-year-old, trying to get anyone to tell me what was going on. I just wanted her to call me back, because she wasn't supposed to leave my life forever. She finally phoned me, and I told her I realized what a fool I'd been, that her not in my life left a gaping hole in my heart, that I loved her and wanted to be the man for her and would even marry her. I was ready to commit whole-heartedly. She asked my why I was doing it then, why when she had already taken the steps to erase me out of her life completely. I was devastated. She ended the conversation by saying that she would call me later.
I later found out that she had a new boyfriend. Less than a week later, and she had a new boyfriend. Oh, but that's not all. She was moving in with the new boyfriend! Yes! That's what she did. She was dating this guy less than a week, and moved in with him. What kind of a man does that? Noone of honor, in my opinion, but I don't know him. I do know her, and know that she did it only because I had hurt her so grievously. I, too, was wounded grievously, and wept for her and for her loss. Mainly I wept because of all the things I still wanted to say, that I thought I never would get a chance to say, and because I never got to say goodbye. I think that if I could see her one more time, that I could convince her that I was finally ready to make that commitment to her. Alas, it was not to be.
So, I went a little crazy. I started texting the phone that she still had that I was paying for. I called incessantly. I started writing her emails. I went insanely crazy, but it was the only way I had of pouring out my heart to her, letting her know what I was thinking, how I was feeling, the only way I had to try to convince her to come back home. I love her and just want my TAG to know that I will do anything for her, anything to hold her in my arms all night long, to make love to her, and to make her the happiest woman alive. I know that I, and I alone, can do this for her.
I love you, my TAG. I always will. I will always be here for you, regardless of how long it takes to win back your affections. I know right now you're only thinking about the bad things, the hard times, and the hurt. I hope that soon you will remember the good times, the fun times, the memories. I have so many amazing memories with you in them, and I want all my future memories to have you in them. This blog is my attempt not to inundate her email inbox with my pleadings, and a way for me to purge the heartache from my system. I know it will not be fully gone until my TAG is safely back in my arms, and I hope and pray that day comes. Whenever it does, I'll be ready and waiting with open arms, no questions asked.
I love you forever, my TAG.
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