Friday

Dear TAG,

Today is Friday. Normally a day that we would spend part of the evening together once we both had our kids. Unfortunately, this weekend I am staying in Btown, which is 300 miles away, as we both know. I wish that I had taken the initiative earlier to talk to my folks about you, maybe you could have come down with your kids and we could have had a good time here together.

Alas, it was not meant to be, apparently. I've realized over the course of the last few days that there are certain steps, certain measures I could have taken long ago to alleviate the pain and suffering that we are both experiencing. I was a coward. I hid from myself for so long, compartmentalized my life, keeping certain things apart from other things, and refusing to recognize the fact that I was hurting everyone around me. I also neglected to realize that our relationship went beyond the boundaries of you and me. There were other people involved, our children, our parents, our friends. I let all of them down, hurt all of them by hurting you, and now I must answer to all of them.

These letters are also an attempt to do that. To apologize to all involved. To any affected, I am truly sorry. I do love my TAG, more than I have ever loved anyone ever. I believe that we have what it takes to make the other better. I know that my TAG has made me want to not be just a better boyfriend or lover or future husband, but also a better man, a better brother, a better father, a better son. I want to be a better person all the way around, and my TAG has inspired that in me. Thank you for that.

I want to assure you that you will always be that inspiration for me. Regardless of what may happen in our lives, you will always be my inspiration. I will draw my last breath knowing that I have loved you deeper and more meaningfully than I have loved anybody ever. My love reaches beyond all realms of space and time.

I was thinking today about Sir Lancelot and Lady Guinevere. Sir Lancelot loved Lady Guinevere more than life itself. He rode into battle with her emblem always on him. He composed love poems and love letters to her, and dedicated his entire life to her, to her memory, to his love for her, and to the ideal that she bred in him, the desire to be a better man. The only problem was that Lady Guinevere belonged to King Arthur. She was his wife, but Sir Lancelot's love transcended that.

It is not a good example for us, I don't think. Sir Lancelot lived his life with his love unrequited. He never got the Lady Guinevere. But his love is an example for me. I promise with all my heart, soul, and strength that I will love you like that. I will forever love you. I will give up everything I have to be with you. I will live my life as a tribute to our love. My love for you will shine through in everything I do. I'm sorry that I hurt you, my TAG. More sorry than you will ever know. I will live with the knowledge that I hurt you as well, but I will let my love for you overpower that sorrow. I will hold on for as long as I have to.

I love you, my TAG. There is nothing that I wouldn't do for you. I know I broke your trust and that trust may take a very long time to be put back together. But I also know that we can build it again. Together, we can do anything. Please give us a chance for this.

I love you always and forever

B