Sunday

My dearest TAG,

Hello, my love. I hope your weekend has been well, that you are rested and ready for another week. I know that you enjoy your weekends and getting rest, and I surely hope that you were able to get some this weekend. You deserve it for sure.

Today has been another crazy mix of emotions for me. I was so angry this morning, that I yelled out loud while I was in the shower. Mainly I was angry at myself, for waiting so long to be frank with you and with myself about my emotions. I should have told you ages ago how I really felt and been honest about it. But I couldn't even be honest with myself at that point. I was fighting so hard against my true emotions and true feelings that I confused myself thoroughly. Now, however, everything is clear. I do love you. I always will. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, and if you feel that it is worth it to, you can always come back to me. I've told you that before and I mean it. At any time, no questions asked, nothing expected. You will be welcomed back with open arms, and invited fully into my life for the first time. I hope that doesn't scare you off.

Anyway, today I was thinking about how beautiful you truly are. You are one of the very few women I have ever met that looks equally sexy in your little bikinis (very hot, by the way), dressed to the nines in a sexy dress and heels like you were for your birthday or in Vegas, hair pulled back in a ponytail and wearing jeans and sneakers and a sweatshirt to go to work, or all dolled up to go out dancing, even when you were just lounging around your house in pj pants and a tank top, you were dazzling, very intoxicating, and just downright beautiful. I think it would be impossible for you to ever be anything but gorgeous! I love that about you. The wallpaper on my phone is set to a picture of you at the beach we went to last summer, you remember that? We built sand castles and went swimming and even dunked each other for good measure. That was a good time.

Speaking of good times and your birthday, I think back on it and I'm pretty sure that I got that one right, at least. I remember how you looked when I picked you up, and even though I was running just a little late, at least I remembered to reserve the restaurant. I even had the foresight to pick up one of your friends and her fiance. I did that one right, didn't I? I'm pretty sure that entire day was almost perfect. I felt so anyway, and you know why I felt that way? Because I was giving of myself to you, my TAG. I just wish that I had made every day that way instead of just that one special day.

So, today ended up decent after all. My kids know just when I need little hugs, and they provided them all day to me. I realized as well that I am a person of worth, that what happened isn't necessarily the measure of me as a man, although I would like to hold onto that and continually beat myself up about what I did and said. I'm not saying that I am absolving myself of any guilt, rather that I am realizing the man that I am, the man you always saw, and the man that you deserve. I promise to become that man. I hope that you will join me on this journey, my TAG, because there are some amazing things that we can do and see and experience together. Like I said before, many of my good memories have you in them, and I want all my good memories in the future to have you in them as well.

So, my TAG, I leave you once again. I do love you and I do miss you and I promise again that I will always be here for you, sending my love out across the miles and the space between us. You need never feel alone or unloved, for you are always with me in my heart and in my thoughts, and my love is sufficient to cross the boundaries that may separate us. I know you feel my love radiating out to you. It will always be thus.

I composed a poem for you. I will post it tomorrow in a separate posting. For now just know that you are the queen of my world, I have already begun treating you as such and will continue to for the rest of my life.

I love you always,
B