Saturday!

My dearest TAG, my love,

I don't really know how to describe today. It was odd, to say the least. But first, I gotta talk about last night, Friday night.

We had a birthday party for my dad, hard to believe that the old fella is going to turn 63 this year. We had the party a little early so that my kids could participate with the other grandkids that live in the area, since they were down here for the weekend. We had a good old time, grandma made the kids pizza and there was salad and coolaid and Jello Jigglers. There always seems to be a lot of food around when my family gets together.

After everyone ate and we had cake and ice cream and opened presents, the adults sat around and talked. Of course the conversation turned to you. I tried to explain the circumstances regarding our current situation, but it was difficult. I didn't really know what to say when my sister-in-law asked when she was going to be able to meet my girlfriend. I told her that we aren't together right now, but that if when we get back together, I will certainly make sure that the entire family gets to meet her. So they are put on warning. They will meet you, as soon as I get you back. I hope that they get that opportunity.

My sister also expressed her concern that maybe waiting for you wouldn't be such a good idea. She was being fairly negative, and I put her in her place. I told her you were the most amazing woman I had ever met, that I had never felt about anyone this way before, and that you inspired me to be a better man. That is the truth, my TAG, and I hope one day to be able to prove that to you.

After I put the kids to bed, I tried to watch a movie, but I was so tired, I was falling asleep. I kept drifting off, and snapping back. I should have just gave up, but I couldn't. I had too many things on my mind. So I stayed up, then finally crashed around midnight. I dropped off the face of the earth. I slept hard til about 5, then I woke wide up, thinking about you, of course. I had some weird dreams too. Strange.

So I was inextricably sad all morning long. I couldn't understand why. When I went on my run I was thinking about those days we spent in Las Vegas, how we had some good times. Then I started thinking about how I hurt your feelings. Especially that last afternoon at Circus Circus, and I couldn't help it. I started crying, while I was running down the road. It does seem that I ruined almost every good memory by being a major butt head. I'm so sorry, my TAG, for doing that. I don't understand why. You were always wonderful, and I was not. You gave 100% all the time, and I gave just about 5%. On a good day. I so want the chance to be able to give you 100% of me, and I promise that if you give me another chance, that is what you will get. 100% of me 100% of the time. I know that I can win your trust again, my TAG, if you give me the chance. And I know it may not happen tomorrow, or the next day, or next week. But I hope that soon enough you will look in your heart, and you will see me standing there. I will still be here, where you can find me.

Music has become a great help to me too, particularly three songs. The first is "Whatever It Takes" by Lifehouse. It is a great song, it deals with a man who has let his love down, and promises to do whatever it takes to make things right. That is how I feel. I will do whatever it takes. If you give me a chance, I'll do what it takes to make it right. The other song is "Come Back to Me" by David Cook. I just like the thought that this guy also is willing to wait for whatever his girl needs til she comes back to him. The third is "On Bended Knee" by Boyz II Men. I so want you back, my TAG. Every day this desire grows stronger, not weaker.

I love you, my TAG. I will do what it takes to be the man you deserve, and to prove that to you. I know that you feel the same, and that one day we will be together. I love you so much. I will do whatever it takes to prove to you that I do, and I will always be here for you.

Love, always,
B