You are the only one

My dearest TAG, my love,

You are the only woman I have ever loved like this. You will always be the only woman that I will love like this. It tears me apart inside to know that I hurt you and hurt you bad, that I drove you into the arms of another man. It kills me every day to think that he is living my happy ever after with you. I wish there were something I could do to prove myself to you, but I guess there isn't. Just know that I will always be here for you.

I am struggling so bad right now. I hurt every day. I know it's my own fault. I realize that. It's easier to try and blame other people, but underneath all the bluff exterior bullshit the truth remains the same. I messed it up big time, and I can't go back and erase it.

The one thing I can do is live the rest of my life adoring you, worshipping you, loving you. I'm so afraid that you don't understand the depth and breadth of my love, that you don't feel how strongly I love you. I have never ever experienced a love like this before. NEVER. You are the only woman I will ever feel this strongly for, the only woman that would make me overcome my fear of committment, and the only woman that I want to get down on one knee in front of and propose marriage to. I hope one day I can do that, and that you will accept me, and that we can live as husband and wife the rest of our days. I will be the most proud man in the history of the world if I am able to call you my wife.

My divorce really screwed me up in the committment department, and I'm sorry for that. Ours is the longest relationship that I have had outside of my marriage, and the only relationship I have ever been a part of that has made me happy for an extended period of time. I love you so much.

I do hope that you and your new boyfriend break up. I pray for that every night. I know it's not nice of me, but I can't think of anything else besides outright sabotage that I can do, and I won't go about being subversive in that manner. I will not actively attempt to break you two up, even though a part of me thinks that would be for the best. You see, I know that the decision is yours to make, and you are the only one that can decide what you want, whether it's the safety and surface happiness that you have now, the "nice things and big house" as you put it the other day, or whether it's eternal joy and happiness and true love that you and I share. I may not have many nice things. I may be pretty poor and destitute and not much of a winner from the outside looking in. But I know me, and I know my heart, finally. No man will ever love you the way that I do, and no two people will ever be as good together as we are.

I love you so much, my beautiful TAG. I don't know how else to show you. I have changed everything for you. I will do whatever it takes to make our dreams reality. I know that together we can do this. Together we are strong and we can be happy. I want to be the man in your life, you are the only woman in mine.

I love you forever,
B